Yes! You can have a sex life after having kids.

No one tells you how different your life and body will be after giving birth. Maybe I missed the memo on just how much motherhood would consume and change my experience of life, especially how I relate to myself sexually especially. As a woman with a healthy and strong libido, it was a shock to me how different my relationship with this part of myself became after two kids.

The thing that most obviously changed that my partner and I both noticed was my relationship with sex, a very steep decline in my libido, and feeling less sensation vaginally after giving birth. This is a very common experience for mothers, especially those who have young or breastfeeding children, and who have given birth vaginally. I am a doula and childbirth educator and have witnessed firsthand how the huge amount of energy a woman gives to her child/children has an effect on the vitality and connection with herself as a sexual woman.

While my partner and I anticipated an initial decline in our sex life, neither of us were expecting the long term extinguishing of this part of our relationship that left me feeling concerned, and both of us worried and dissatisfied.  

Let me also briefly note here that I highly disagree with subscribing to the cultural idea that a vagina needs to be “tight” or look, feel, shape, taste any specific way. In fact, I think vaginas deserve so much more respect than they get, especially for their role in the incredible job they do of bringing life into the world, and that we as women should be proud of them in all their beautiful diversity.

I also believe on a physical level for a woman, the sensation that can be lost from the intensity of labor, pushing hard, tearing, or episiotomy, and the pressure on the PC muscles from birth can have a big effect on a woman’s  personal ability to experience of pleasure. Particularly if a woman experiences things like urinary incontinence or uterine prolapse after giving birth. These things not only can feel embarrassing (though they happen to a huge percentage of women) but can have an effect on how a woman experiences her own body from a sexual perspective.

It is from experiencing this personally, and from sharing stories with my other mom friends, that I went searching for something that could both wake up my libido, support the health and tone of my PC muscles, and gain back lost sensation.


When I came across well documented, and ancient, the practice of using a yoni egg I surprised I had never heard of it before, and that this was something not being recommended to every woman in a serious way.

Let me take you back 5000 years to China. Women of the Taoist royal court had a regular practice that could help maintain their sexual vitality, well past their childbearing years. This was no magic pill, the science behind a yoni egg tells us that it is a much more effective way to kegel. The egg itself adds weight, which adds resistance to your Kegels, much like training with a weight at the gym; while also being an isometric exercise.

Using a yoni egg regularly keeps your PC muscles toned, supple, and resilient especially after you have given birth. What are the benefits beyond tone and health of your pelvic floor? You guessed it. Through increased blood flow and circulation to the pelvic floor, you can regain sensation tenfold to what you experienced before - to the point of discovering orgasms you may have never experienced or becoming multi-orgasmic.

Once I started practicing with an egg I could not keep it in for more than a minute or two, it would slip out and take a great amount of focus. Within a few weeks, with regular 3-4 time a week practice I was keeping the egg in for much longer and experiencing a lot more sensitivity during sex.

I actually had an accidental G-spot orgasm after just a few months of a yoni egg practice. Usually, I have had combination orgasms (meaning I need both clitoral and g-spot stimulation to have a vaginal orgasm). Clearly, my results surprised even me, so I started recommending the egg to other mom friends who, within a few weeks would tell me hilarious and wonderful stories about they were so excited to not be afraid to queef in yoga class anymore. They were all having similar results as me, and I was amazed at the truly overwhelming response to how effective and easy to use this tool is.

Here is the other thing about using a yoni egg as a mother. Many of us get almost zero time to self-nourish, especially the sensual/sexual part of ourselves. The esteemed relationship therapist Esther Perel, and author of Mating in Captivity shares in one of her TED talks that children are often extinguishing factor in the passionate and sexual part of a relationship once a couple enters parenthood. It is this practice, that is meant for self-care of one of your most important and intimate parts of your body that you can re-cultivate that relationship with yourself. You cannot share yourself sensually with another unless you feel sensual. I have experienced multiple times in the ups and downs of motherhood that paying attention to myself, and especially having self-care and regular connection with my own sexual energy just for me, will generate an abundance of this “libido” to share with my partner. You truly cannot give to someone else when you have not given to yourself.

Here is the thing my friends, a healthy sexual response, and a healthy pelvic floor go hand in hand. When you know this, you know the secret to longevity for your own sexual well-being on the physical level. I know now, that we mothers are able to feel a great amount of pleasure when our pelvic-floor and PC muscles are getting proper care no matter what our birth stories are like, no matter what the demands of our daily life is. That we can recover lost sensation, and increase our ability to experience orgasm and deep pleasure. I also know the most important factor in this is having time to connect with ourselves, and feel like a human. Not just a cleaning, human taking care of, love and energy giving robot (who of course loves her kids endlessly as we all do).